I can only thank my lucky stars that my plans to hit Costco/Target plans fell through because this was a week I really needed to have a therapist to discuss my latest travails. So what happened?
First, a job I really wanted fell through. Although it was a freelance position, I thought it was a perfect fit, loved the company and the hiring manager. The only consolation is that I received great feedback from the interview, the hiring manager is forwarding my resume onto HR and I made another networking connection.
Second, I impulsively asked my daughter if she ever thought about her "birth mother."
She responded "yes" and started to cry wondering if she was going to ever meet her "birth mother" or "birth father." Oh my god, this crying went on for 30 minutes.
I told her when she is older "of course, you can meet them."
"How, you don't where they live."
"Don't worry, we will find them."
Breaking my no television rule during school, I asked her if she wanted to watch American Idol. "Yes," finally the crying stopped.
I told my therapist all this and she just looked at me like "why would you impulsively bring this up?" I told her that I was reading an article how adoption becomes more concrete between the ages of 6-10. "I don't know why, I just needed to know her response." She basically said, "you are not an impulsive person, there must be something else?"
"No, maybe I am feeling insecure about this topic." I said.
"I don't think so," she said. "You don't think it's all the other things, tension with your surrogate family, staying here for the holidays, not having a job, emotion around your parents not being here to see your daughter. etc. (I love the fact that she told, hey I read your blog, I know more that's going on.) You are definitely a little jumpy and stressed, I can see it."
"Yes, you are right, I feel out of sorts, slightly agitated. The job rejection really bothered me, the fact that I hit my year unemployment, my wackadoo family not offering any support financial or emotional is just annoying."
We talked about adding tools to help me deal with the stress so hopefully, I can deal with it.
Regarding the talking to my daughter about her birth parents or her adoption, her very direct (and she is right), "there is absolutely no reason to be bringing it up unless she want to discuss it."
Therapy Thursday - The First Session
Therapy Thursday - Therapy Goals
Therapy Thursday - What I have learned so far
Therapy Thursday - Hurry Up: Rewards and Consequences