Monday, April 19, 2010

Adopting as a Single Woman - "But it's only Tuesday..."

My daughter at 3 months (all earlier photos are on film)

Adoption Tale - Adopting as a Single Woman

It's been awhile since I have done a adoption post and wanted to revisit it on a ongoing basis. Today's post recounts the day I found I was going to be a mom. It's a long post since I am working on a book of my adoption experience and this is going to part of the book. Please provide feedback and questions. 

But's It Only Tuesday... 

And so it began, a morning like so many before, starting wistfully out my window at the Statue of Liberty. I began to run through all the items on my to do list that need to be completed by the end of the day - draft agenda for J's leadership meeting, begin draft on her presentation in preparation for meeting with G next week, teambuilding ideas and on and on. ...

As my computer slowly booted up, and I mean slowly, I reflected on how lucky I was to have this incredible unobstructed view of the 43rd floor of the World Financial Center. 

Actually luck had nothing to do with having this view. September 11 made this view happen. Because our company headquarters was impacted by September 11, the entire building needed to be cleaned to remove debris from the lower floors when the windows were blown out when the World Trade Center feel. All the employees were relocated throughout the tri-state area. That experience is another chapter. 

Due to the position I had, one of my responsibilities was to manage the move back to the building for our group and low and behold, the number one responsiblity was floor space assignments. So why not give myself the best view on the floor. 

Back to my story, I had gotten in early one March morning so that I could get some emails done and have a leisurely breakfast before the floor became alive with people. 

Then the phone rang, which I though odd because it was so early. "Darn it," I comtemplated not answering the phone since I did not recognize the area code but did anyway. 

"Good morning, are you sitting down?" asked T, the adoption agency director. 

"Yes, I am at my desk," I said, thinking who doesn't sit at their desk. "What kind of wacky question is that?" Isn't amazing what pops into your head at the most inopportune moments?

"We have a little girl for you," she calmly stated.

Racing through my mind, I thought over the past years, I had heard those words before but there always something just not right with child's circumstances or the mother changed her mind at the last minute, all those situations resulted in disappointment, a feeling of rejection and a gnawing feeling that my being a mother was never going to happen. 

Gathering my composure and quickly blocking those negative thoughts out of mind, I somehow blurted out, "Tell me about her."

But I wasn't really listening, feeling like a character in a Charlie Brown show where you never see the parents but only hear the "Waa," "Waa," "Waa," noise. 

As the director began providing detail about the little baby girl (and I mean baby, she was only three days old), I realized that my journey to be a mother was over and the next chapter of my life was just beginning. 

Again, crazy thoughts popped in my head. "Yikes, what had I done?' "I am nuts," All of sudden it hit me, I am no longer alone. My life is now going to be  as a single mother living in a small one bedroom apartment in a third floor walk up on MacDougal Street, raising her child alone with no family or support group. 

After providing details about the birth mother (young teenager,) reality set back in when the director asked, 
"Can you pick her up on, Friday?"

Stunned after being inundated with details about my daughter, her birth mother, I blurted out, "But it's only Tuesday, you want me to pick her up on Friday? Thats in three days!"

Pulling myself together, I calmly asked, "Can I pick her up on Monday?" 

The director said, "Okay." I am sure she wondered why after I had waited so long and had called every few weeks to check on my application. 

"I have to get my life and work in order, I don't exactly have the type of job that I can drop everything and go." The work part was true, my manager knew that I was trying to adopt. I knew she would be somewhat sympathetic and understanding because she had adopted three children from Russia although I am not sure how sympathetic given I had three days notice to sort out all my work assignments. The work situation aside, I did not want to admit that my apartment was ill-equipped to handle an infant. Because I had waited so long and did want constant reminders in my tiny one-bedroom, I had not gone out and bought clothes, accessories, nothing. 

I needed the weekend to get my act together. 

"Fine, see you on Monday and congratulations." she said.

Luckily, no one came into my cube after I hung up because I was shaking so much. Slowly, my tears began to tear up. I turned to stare out at the Statue of Liberty, a symbol of renewal and new beginnings for the immigrants who passed through Ellis Island and I began to sob. 

Of course, my rational and practical side kicked in and I began thinking, "Could I actually get my life in order in just five days? Who knows. 

And off I went to find my manager to tell her the news so I could start the next chapter of my life, being a mother.

Other Adoption Tales:
Is she really adopted? 

Buy, Buy, Baby - Saviour or Nightmare

No, my daughter is not from Ethopia

5 Things to Consider Adopting as a Single Woman


Simply Stacie said...

Following you from FFF on MBC!

bigguysmama said...

Hi Linda. Good for you for giving yourself a good view! :) I haven't read your adoption journey and loved this entry!

I've got some editting for you if that's ok. When I was reading about you talking to your manager I was confused as to who had adopted kids from Russia. The way the sentence is written, it sounds like you adopted 3 kids from Russia.

Then you talk about being happy no one came back to your cubicle. I think it was your 'eyes' that teared up. *grin* And then you turned to 'stare' out the window.

~Mimi visiting from the Round Up

Anonymous said...

OMG...I just got chills. I want to rad your whole journey on adoption. I know its in my future just have to get my financial house in order but I must tell you how much of an inspiration you are for me. I can't wait for your book. I will be first in line to buy it :)

Anonymous said...

Awesome post! I am sure your book is going to be great! Have a fantastic weekend!

parenting ad absurdum said...

Amazing post - I'm a little teary now myself. Thanks for sharing this!

Peryl (Mom link round up)

Jeanette Huston said...

I am following you from MBC!

Jeanette Huston

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